Healthcare Training Institute - Quality Education since 1979
CE for Psychologist, Social Worker, Counselor, & MFT!!
In the last section, we discussed three factors of the impact of manipulation on a client within a clique structure. These three factors are, the emotional toll of manipulation, diminished self-reliance and self-esteem, and entrapment and victimization.
In this section, we will discuss a technique for desensitizing to clique manipulation tactics. Six steps involved in the desensitizing technique are, defining terms, recognizing emotional reasoning, creating a tape, relaxation, practice, and desensitization in practice.
As you know, for clients to learn to resist manipulation in a clique structure effectively, they may benefit from learning to tolerate uncomfortable feelings. Remember Debbie from the last section? Debbie stated, "I understand the take 5 technique we practiced, but even when I take a few minutes to think, I feel so upset I can’t think properly. I don’t want to keep trying to buy friends, but as soon as I think about saying no, I get so upset!"
I stated to Debbie, "Right now, your negative emotions are on a very short fuse. As soon as the clique girls light your fuse by making a manipulative request, your fuse burns down, and you experience this upset feeling that makes you want to comply right away."
Six Steps for Desensitizing to Clique Manipulation
Step # 1 - Define the Terms
I also explained to Debbie that unlike anxiety, fear is connected to a specific outcome or consequence, such as fear that the clique will abandon you, or fear of isolation, or fear of a fight. In addition to anxiety and fear, I explained to Debbie that guilt is the feeling excessively responsible for the emotions or experiences of others. I stated, "If someone is trying to make you feel guilty, she or he may cry, sulk, or pout, or even just keep speaking to you in a hurt tone of voice."
Step # 2 - Recognize Emotional Reasoning
I stated to Debbie, "When you experience these negative feelings of anxiety, fear, or guilt, you may feel a lot of pressure to respond quickly so that these negative feelings go away. This urgency can produce emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning is when you confuse your negative feelings with the thought that something negative or bad is actually happening. Learning to desensitize yourself towards these negative emotions can help you remind yourself that although you feel guilty because the clique is upset with you, it does not means something terrible is actually happening."
Step # 3 - Creating a Tape
After Debbie chose and described her three examples, I asked her to record the examples into a cassette, CD, or mp3 player. As you are well aware, any embellishments the client can add are beneficial, as the purpose of the tape is to recreate the experience of anxiety, fear, or guilt.
Step # 4 - Relaxation
Step # 5 - Practice
"Keep the scene clearly in your mind. Focus again on your rhythmic breathing. Now say to yourself, ‘I may be feeling anxious or afraid or guilty, but I can tolerate it. I am ok.’ Repeat the exercise for each scenario you recorded. Each time, notice how you can counter your discomfort with focusing on your relaxation breathing and muscle relaxation."
Step # 6 - Desensitization in Practice
I stated to Debbie, "In an actual setting of manipulation, desensitization is a quiet but potent tactic of resistance. When the clique girls ramp up the pressure, try to relax like you have practiced, and tell yourself ‘I am feeling anxiety, but I can tolerate it. I am ok.’ This can help you resist the urge to quickly comply, even when you know complying is against your best interests." Think of your Debbie. Would the desensitization technique help him or her resist clique manipulation?
In this section, we have discussed a technique for desensitizing to clique manipulation tactics. Six steps involved in the desensitizing technique are, defining terms, recognizing emotional reasoning, creating a tape, relaxation, practice, and desensitization in practice.